I have a long history of locking myself out of things. I'm really good at locking myself out of various vehicles. I went through a stretch where I did it weekly, sometimes twice a week. Twice I did it while the car was RUNNING. I'm pretty proud of that accomplishment.

I've been locked out of my computer more times that I can tell you. Or various websites that I swear I can remember the password for, but upon my three attempts suddenly find that I need to call customer service because I no longer have any type of access. I finally had to create a hidden secret "cheat sheet" that I use to get to the various portals around the internets.

I thought I'd really done it a couple of years ago when Frinklin and I locked our selves IN our house. Yes you read that correctly. IN the house.

The deadbolt to the front door broke due to shoddy workmanship of the previous owner (a reccurring theme) and since we don't own a key to the back door, and our back gates are padlocked shut (a detail that will become important later in this blog entry) we were trapped. A very kind locksmith came and removed the deadbolt, re-keyed the front door, and fixed the crappy job the last owner had done with the whole thing. I highly recommend Jack at Security Lock, Safe, and Alarm.

I really didn't think it would be possible to top locking myself IN my house. But yesterday I did it.

Yesterday I locked myself in my backyard.

Really, it was all the cats' fault. But lets back up.

Remember how I told you earlier that there is no key to the back door and the gates are padlocked shut? We've been having issues with the back door not shutting all the way unless the deadbolt is thrown. The wind will push it open and 4 of our 5 indoor only cats will sneak outside to frolic on the deck, eventually making their way under the house.

Yesterday I happened to be walking past the back door and noticed it was waving gently in the afternoon breeze. Immediately panicking I jumped into action and ran outside. All four adventurous cats were outside. Making a grab for the one closest (Clyde), I felt fur and threw him in the house, slamming the door behind me. One down and three to go! An orange streak flew past my feet. Percy! I snatched him up and grabbed the door handle, leaning in to open the--ow! Open the--

Oh for fucks sake. I hadn't latched the deadbolt, but the small doorknob lock was thrown and it was good and closed this time. As Percy squirmed in my arms I grabbed for another orange kitty and picked up a clawing mass of Barney. As his talons sank into my body I thought, "this is bad." Turning to the right, I watched as Moby slipped under the house.

As I lost more and more blood from Barney's slashes I realized I was going to have to let the cats go, even if they did go under the house. I was either going to need to try to climb through a window (all locked), climb the fence (six feet high), or find a friendly neighbor with a cell phone to help. Fortunately, a friendly neighbor happened to be standing just on the other side of the fence.

"Excuse me?" I called, trying not to look insane with orange cats dangling from my limbs. "I have locked myself in my backyard and am in need of a phone. May I borrow yours?" Hopefully proper grammar and being the picture of politeness would help my cause.

"Uh, IN your backyard?" replied the kind neighbor.

"Yes. You see, my door is locked from the inside and I lack a key (Ow! Barney stop it!). And my gates are padlocked (Dammit! Ow!)." (Big smile)

"Sure." Kind neighbor tosses cell phone to me over fence. I should explain at this point that Frinklin was out assisting friends with their 72 Hour Films Festival (tickets on sale now!) submission. I called him. And called him. And called him. Angels be praised - on the third try he picked up. I make no apologies for the messages left that sound something like, "Iamtrappedinthegoddamnbackyardandyouarenotpickingupyourcellphonewherethefuck
areyourightnowIreallyneedyoutocomehomeandhelpme!" To his credit as soon as he did pick up the phone Kevin, Joe, and Frinklin did rush home to rescue me. I sulkily entered the house, sans cats.

Ah yes. The cats.

The next three hours of my life were devoted to cajoling two stubborn kitties out from the tiny (non) crawl space of the house. Percy decided he'd had enough of the great outdoors and came quietly, but Barney and Moby found a playground of smells, sights, and a possible doorway to a wonderland of adventure through that little gap in the concrete. I'd like to say that Frinklin and I tempted the cats by calling their names and offering them treats, but that did absolutely nothing for 2 hours and 45 minutes. Also ineffectual; lying on a towel to avoid dirt and other backyard debris while peering under the house with an industrial strength flashlight (although I got a close up look at one of our air vents). The best technique was to stand absolutely silent and still for 10 or 15 minutes, pretending to be a part of the house, then pounce when the cat came out to explore. Good to know for future reference.

I really need to get the back door re-keyed so that we can unlock it normally. And probably need to have the entire thing worked on so that it actually stays closed when the wind is blowing. Hopefully I'm working a good average and I won't lock myself back there again for another three years, minimum.

Bonus trapped in moment! Trapped IN my pants!

Posted by: Ensie at 12:50 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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1 Dang. What a crazy afternoon/evening. And you handled the situation much better than I would have. At the point I would've realized I'd locked myself in the backyard, my head would've just asploded.

Posted by: Cassioposa at May 04, 2008 04:54 PM (/fI+2)

2 damn. I would have.... um... I dunno. Uttered alot of curses. Many of them well-conjugated strings of cursewords. I can demonstrate that curse-conjugation skill for you someday, if you like, though I suspect you may have the skill within you.... Nice to know your peaceable kingdom is all well again

Posted by: JCBetty at May 04, 2008 09:46 PM (lvOTL)

3 This is something I would do. Glad you got all your various cats back inside.

Posted by: Jenyum/Tacomamama at May 06, 2008 03:58 PM (LMqvC)

4 JCBetty, Oh, I uttered A LOT of swear words. Don't worry. I may have even been speaking in tongues at one point. It was not pretty. I'm surprised I didn't scare away the Kind Neighbor. Fortunately I didn't though, and he stuck around long enough to lend his phone.

Posted by: ensie at May 07, 2008 12:49 AM (0Y/90)

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see more crazy cat pics

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Today I received an e-mail direct from Sadie, our former kitty who it appears now has her own e-mail address (!) at Metropolitan Veterinary Hospital. Princess Sadie Thumbs (as she is known for her attitude and extra toes) is now living at the vet's office while she waits for a new home. They graciously offered to house her there as they do for a certain number of Tacoma Humane Society kitties that are up for adoption.

Dear Ensie, Frinklin & the crew,

Life is good here at Met Vet. My food bowl is right next to my bed -- I don't even have to stand up to eat. My litter box is two steps away, so I use it always. I feel like a princess here.

Sometimes the staff makes me walk around for exercise, but I discovered if I try to eat their plants, they let me go right back to napping in my room.

I could live like this forever!

Love,
Princess Sadie Thumbs

As you can see, Sadie has happily taken over their office.

You can e-mail Sadie at Sadie(at)metvetpets(dot)com, especially if you're interested in adopting her.

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Last Saturday was an adventurous day for us, to say the least. Not only did I have to make one trip to the emergency vet, I almost had to make two!

The day started off relatively relaxing, with both Frinklin and I sleeping in. He was planning to do some Christmas shopping and I was getting ready to attack the massive piles of laundry that were taking over our bedroom. We were watching the dogs play with a new toy in the living room when things got a little heated between The Jeffrey and Perdita. Suddenly, Perdy decided the new toy was hers and hers alone and grabbed The Jeffrey's head in her jaws!

Normally little tiffs between dogs are no big deal. They happen from time to time and you assess the damage and move on. However, Perdy happened to catch The Jeffrey's eyelid on her canine tooth from the inside and we couldn't separate them easily. The stupid dogs wouldn't hold still long enough for us to grab them, so I was practically sitting on Perdita when they magically came apart. Somehow, The Jeffrey only had a small puncture wound in the bottom part of his eyelid - no major damage. Whew! Escape Emergency Vet visit!

I should have never said those words aloud.

Not an hour later I hear one of the cats errupt in a loud scream, which is not unusual, considering the difficulty Sadie has had fitting into our family of kitties as of late. My usual course of action is to scoop Sadie up and soothe her, as she usually dissolves into a puddle of purrs and cuddles within seconds.

This time she growled and hissed at me, and when I ran my hand down her tail my fingers came away wet with blood. I discovered a large chunk missing from her tail and when she squirmed away from me red droplets followed her. On closer examination, I found a V-shaped slice in her tail, obviously requiring stitches.

"Now I'm off to the emergency vet!" I called to Frinklin, who was prepping for his foray into the wilds of the mall.

"What now?" He yelled in reply.

"Cat damage!" I exclaimed as I packaged up Sadie into her cat carrier and bundled her out to the car where she pitifully cried the entire drive to the Animal Emergency Clinic. It must not have hurt too badly though, because she was all charm and love when the vet on call examined her once we arrived. Her paperwork states, "Purr to loud to read pulse."

The vet initially recommended $700 in surgery for her tail to keep the blood flow active (don't want to kill off the end of her tail!). But because Sadie is so sweet, we opted for sedation and local in the tail while the stitches were put in (only $275!), which seems to have worked just fine. Everyone at the Emergency Vet's office fell in love with her. I told them that they could keep her, but so far no takers.

Upon her return home she appeared to have a giant dread lock attached to her ass:

Sadie remedied this quickly by ripping the vet wrap off almost immediately and rendering herself even funnier looking:

Our own awesome vet checked Sadie out on Monday and declared her to be healing. Her stitches come out in another week or so. As great as the emergency clinic was, I have no desire to go there again soon.

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I really thought this was an urban myth. But this morning I awoke to a Tacoma Fire truck parked outside my front window with ladder extending to rescue a wayward neighborhood kitty named Max that had managed to get himself stuck on a slippery roof yesterday.

Saving Max, originally uploaded by ensie1.

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After much consideration, Frinklin and I have decided to find a new home for Sadie. This is doubly painful as it comes at the same time as we are dealing with Pharaoh's impending death, but it has become very clear to us over the last couple of weeks that Sadie is not fitting into our family the way we had hoped she would.

Initially, we assumed the Princess of Thumbs would eventually give way to the rule King Percy. He's a relatively benevolent King , allowing things to play out daily without interfering most of the time. However, this defiant female usurper who refused to bow to his kitty will definitely rankled him and he set out to break her. While initially these started out as long, annoying games of "I'm not touching you..." they progressed rapidly to something far more annoying and eventually dangerous.

We've been listening to cat fights that have been growing in intensity and frequency over the last few weeks. They've been upsetting the other cats, the dogs, and Frinklin and myself. They can and do erupt at any time - when I'm on the phone with clients, when we have friends over, or in the middle of the night. Nothing like waking up to wailing, shrieking, spitting cats in the middle of the bed at 3 AM!

The cat fights have also manifested in Sadie not being able to move comfortably around the house, causing her to start urinating in odd places like: the floor, the countertop, and the top of the kitchen cabinets. Yes - the top of the kitchen cabinets! Fortunately I own an arsenal of cleaning supplies and have scrubbed down and sterilized everything in my house regularly. Once the cat fights diminish, I believe the litter box issues will disappear.

The Humane Society does not accept cats with litter box issues, which is the category she falls into. So I'm looking for a new home for Sadie on my own. I truly feel that Sadie just needs the right home, not to be put to sleep. She needs a place where she feels secure and safe, and isn't chased away from the litter box(es). I think a home where she is an only cat would be wonderful. Dogs are not a problem. Cat-safe dogs are fine for her. I think she would be just fine with kids that wouldn't be too rough with her. She loves to sit in laps and be cuddled for hours while she purrs.

If you or anyone you know are interested in Sadie, would you please e-mail me at ensie1@gmail.com

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Posted by: Ensie at 11:07 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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There is a new kitty in the Ensie-Frinklin household. There was no misadvised adoption this time. This feline came to us via Frinklin's parents. She was a birthday gift from us to Frinklin's Mother 5 years ago and never adjusted to the move from California to the Pacific Northwest. Or rather, never adjusted to the two Westies that Frinklin's Father owns. She started refusing to use the litter box due to stress and despite undergoing every medical test, trying every brand of litter in existence, changing foods, using every trick, and even using prescriptions, no solution worked.

Frinklin's parents are installing new carpet this week and the cat pee damage is so bad that they need to do work on the concrete pad before they can install the new stuff (my parents had to rip out some drywall in our rental house due to cat pee damage - it's serious stuff). They tried to send their kitty to the Humane Society, but were told that cats with litter box problems are not accepted and that they would need to either find her a new home on their own or put her to sleep.

After discussing it, Frinklin and I offered to take Sadie in. She's very sweet and even though our house isn't exactly calm, a new situation may remedy her litter box issues. The last 48 hours have been smooth sailing as far as the litter box is concerned. There has been a lot of hissing and growling whenever the other cats spot each other. The boys don't know what to do with her.

Every time we reach an equilibrium in the household we add something/one else to throw everything off.

And did I mention that Sadie's nickname is "Thumbs"? She is a polydactyl cat (she gots extra toes). It makes her look like she is walking around on little mittens.

Sweet little Sadie:

Thumbs!

Posted by: Ensie at 08:39 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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1 Aww! Tooo cute! I can't wait to meet her in person!

Posted by: Cassioposa at September 05, 2007 08:07 AM (/fI+2)

2 Sadie is finally getting her first real sleep, I think, crashed out on her side on top of Jeffrey's crate. I've had to carry her to the food, to the litter box, to the "safe" places in our house as she is so standoffish around the other cats. She ate like crazy last night after fasting for 36 hours. She's also so round and not used to exercising that she's having a few issues jumping to reach food and with balance getting into and out of her preferred litter box. She's a little butter-ball right now! She has yet to realize that there is an upstairs.

Posted by: ensie at September 05, 2007 08:28 AM (6We+3)

3 I love those little paws!

Posted by: Violet at September 05, 2007 09:09 AM (m3fNl)

4 Love the mittens, er, paws. Love the name and that's a beautiful cat. PS: Forgot to say that the book came last week. LOVE it. Thanks again

Posted by: Eden at September 05, 2007 06:52 PM (BDCWt)

5 She is so sweet. Congrats on your new family member.

Posted by: Jen at September 08, 2007 12:15 PM (LMqvC)

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Before I get into the veterinary adventures I had on Friday, I thought I would share some pictures of our new kitty, Clyde. I metioned him some time ago, but what with grandmothers dying, new car buying, back problems, work that is eating up my life, and the rest it's been hard to get time to take pictures.

After taking way, way too many pictures in a couple days, I managed to come up with a few good ones. There is a lot of siamese in his breeding, something I never really liked, but find adorable in him. He's a pretty intense cat, which I think shows here. He loves to be picked up (from the front only, lest you want to suffer some serious wounds as he twists around) and "hug" your neck while rubbing his head against yours. His purr is definitely the loudest I've ever heard. At some point I'll try to get a good shot of his claws as they are frighteningly large and he knows exactly how to use them. I think he's missing his calling being in a house without mice.

According to his surrender papers at the Humane Society Clyde had been passed around several neighbors for various reasons, the most prominent being "tearing open and eating food on the counters." His most recent owner noted that he should be adopted by "someone who will train him to stay off the counters." How about if we just don't care? Would that work for you? Our cats are fed on top of the fridge, so they are actually required to walk on the counters. We have, after the loss of a loaf of bread that was stored in a ziplock bag, moved all tempting items into the cabinets.

Percy and Clyde have become fast friends, much to the delight of the two older cats who had grown very, very tired of sneak attacks in the form of orange fur.

Posted by: Ensie at 08:27 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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This is his new favorite game every time I sweep the floor. When the broom comes out, he runs to the curtain.

What a freakin' weirdo.

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