I'm on vacation.

I spent the day driving my rented black convertable Mustang around San Diego, lying by the pool drinking alcoholic beverages, and getting a wicked sunburn (I'm lobster red currently but should be tan by Wednesday).

Oh, and getting laid off from Bob's Hogs and Weiner Pigs.

It's not as though I wasn't expecting it. Which doesn't make it suck any less; but as I had the conversation with my now ex-boss, Beet about my severence package (pretty good) and access to my company-issued laptop and cell phone (ending within hours), I felt...calm. I don't feel a terrible sense of loss over leaving the company I've worked at for 11 years. I don't have an awful dread about finding a new job in worsening economy.

What definitely helps is the fact that I've had three successful interviews with a great new company, the latest of which took place just a couple of hours after my "your position has been eliminated effective immediately" discussion with Beet. I've been asked to keep next Wednesday free to come in to meet with the the man who would be my boss in person, after speaking with him on the phone today. I have that feeling you get when you just know a job is right for you and the interviews feel like a formality, and can't you just get started already?

I'm really going to eat my words if I don't get this job.

The worst part about today was fielding phone calls from a lot of people didn't anticipate this situation. Beet spent a lot of time telling his team that we were in a good position and we weren't in danger of losing our jobs. He was genuinely shocked at hearing the news that we would be getting the axe. And because he convinced himself and a lot of other people that we were "safe," they have not been listening to the overriding message of the company that the news overall is not positive and everyone could lose their jobs. Some were in tears, having worked at Borders for years, and a good number came on board within the last year, meaning they will receive minimal severence packages.

I lost access to my computer within hours of hearing the news, meaning that a lot of my customers will not know what happened. This is unfortunate, as I have always worked very hard to make my customers happy. I feel responsible for the work I have done for them over the years, and to leave in the middle of processing their orders with no clear answer as to how things will be handled is difficult for me. To walk away with nothing more than an, "Oh well, it's someone else's problem now," is extremely hard.

I still have access to my cell phone for now, somehow. Everyone else lost access today. I like to think it's some sort of kindness that I'm being offered as I'm on vacation and they know I need it. Every time I open it and see the picture of Pharoah, who passed away last November, I wonder how long his picture will be there, and how much longer this one final connection to Bob's Hogs will last.

I visited the first store I ever worked at today. I needed to ship some books out from Book Expo America. Eleven years ago the General Manager used to be an Assistant Manager who noticed my application and called my 20 year-old self in for an interview. I nailed it, and before I coulld even drive home he had called and left a message for me to schedule a second interview. The second went well and I was offered the position of a Children's Bookseller. My first day on the job I worked the entire day without a lunch break because I was so excited to work with books. The way they felt, their smell, the shifting and moving them around on the shelves.

I met so many best friends over the years - Joe, Holly Wood, Mike, Clay, Darryl, Meagan, Larissa, James...and so many characters. My first real apartment came from a roomate agreement through a coworker there. And my next roomate, and the following as well. I turned 21 and had my first drink at TGI Fridays with coworkers after closing. I attended countless parties over the years for birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, and people coming and going. I dyed my hair blue and pierced my nose and my tongue and they accepted me. I grew my hair out and grew into a professional and they created a position for me in another state.

If I think about it too much I'll cry. I'm holding it in until I get home.

I'm on vacation.

Posted by: Ensie at 10:21 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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