Britney is 100% positively pregnant. Ew.

Must not think about Kevin Federcreep having...(gag)...sex...too late!

I fear for the future. I'm betting they don't even stay married through the pregnancy. Any takers?

Posted by: Ensie at 07:49 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Remember when you'd go to see a war movie and every battle was dotted with giant catapults? All along the battle lines you'd see rocks flying and things smashing from the catapult.

Well, that day has come to an end. Good bye catapult, hello trebuchet!

Trebuchets are much more dramatic than your average catapult. They involve moving parts that swing and fling. Everywhere I look, trebuchets are the go-to battle accessory when it comes to movies. I first noticed them in The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King, sending chunks of the Minas Tirith winging back at the Orc attackers. The orcs had a catapult or two, but they just looked sad next to the dynamic action of the trebuchets.

Now I'm seeing previews for Orlando Bloom's new film Kingdom of Heaven, and lo-and-behold, trebuchets are plentiful in several scenes, but not a single catapult.

I find it interesting that I had never heard of these things before and now they seem to be popping up regularly (FYI--my Dad knew all about trebuchets and actually built one with my 14 year-old brother after seeing ROTK. I now know far more about trebuchets than I will ever need to know).

Posted by: Ensie at 02:34 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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This is so disgusting.

What kind of place legalizes the killing of pet animals for sport? I understand that various people around the world enjoy slaughtering all sorts of creatures for "fun", but shooting feral cats is about the dumbest idea I've ever heard. Wouldn't spaying and neutering them be more productive (and quite a bit less bloodthirsty)?

I'm not a fan of shooting animals for any reason. It's a painfully awful way to die for an animal who has no understanding of what you are doing and why. And please don't get all up in my grill about how I eat animals for dinner so why can't we just shoot a few more, etc. I understand that I am eating animals, and it's not something I love about myself. I've been a vegetarian off-and-on who has struggled with eating animals for a long time, and I take ownership of it. While the meatpacking/slaughtering industry is far from humane, killing animals for nothing more than entertainment with a gun is just barbaric.

I canÂ’t help but think that cats are so unprotected out in the world already. ItÂ’s really rather a miracle that outdoor cats survive at all with cars hitting them, little food or access to water, no healthcare, and a number of people who already think torturing cats is funny and amusing (think about the various stories you hear of cats set on fire, tossed off of overpasses and the like). There are already cat traps and successful no cost feral spay/neuter programs available to those with feral cat problems. It appears that many just feel that itÂ’s much easier to get off a load of buckshot.

Most importantly—how does the shooter know that the cat he or she is shooting is feral? What if it’s a lost pet or just an outdoor kitty?

I have always believed that the most evil people on this planet are those who torture and kill innocent beings. I cringe at the pictures of stray dogs running around or animals in zoos, all while living in war zones, starving and dying at the hands of people too involved in their own fight to notice the effect their actions have on other being sharing our planet. This falls under the same banner in my mind; in fact, I believe itÂ’s even worse, as people would be actively working toward the inhumane killing of animals we initially failed to take responsibility for and allowed to reach a destructive level.

Posted by: Ensie at 02:10 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Check out Sara of goingjesus.com. She has a great piece published in BUST magazine this month and has earned a permanent place on the blogroll. Make sure you check out The Passion of the Tchotchke which made me laugh so hard I peed my pants and fell out of my chair.

She also provides WTFWJD? T-shirts for sale. Because, really, haven't you always wondered?

P.S. Calvacade of Bad Nativities "Whooooo is the son of God? Whooooo?"

Posted by: Ensie at 08:28 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I love doing my taxes. I'm fully aware that refunds are really a bad thing, because that money that was already mine was taken away when it shouldn't have been. There're all sorts of accountant types who will explain that big refunds are not the best way to manage your money.

However, I still like tax refunds. I like looking forward to that "magic" money showing up in my bank account. When my W-2 doesn't show up exactly on time my annoyance is obvious.

I mailed my tax paperwork in on February 10th, and received my federal refund, via direct deposit to my checking account, on March 4th. I usually e-file, but my tax status made me inelligible for that 3 day refund this year. I was still comfortable with the idea of 3 - 4 weeks for a tax refund.

Now I'm waiting for my state taxes. I've been waiting since they received them on February 14th; I know that because I've called the state tax board, twice, to ask when I can expect my money to show up in my bank account.

My first conversation with the California tax board didn't go well. They claimed not to know who I was. Apparently they have no record of my married name change which occurred 8 months ago. Once I had transferred twice and informed them that no, I would not be faxing my social security card anywhere to anyone and they would change it over the phone goddamn it, I was informed that my refund was "in process" and would take 8 - 10 weeks.

It has been 7 weeks as of today. It will be 8 weeks on Monday.

Currently the score is Federal tax board 1, CA state tax board 0.

Posted by: Ensie at 07:24 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I've mentioned Chicken before, but never really wrote much about him. He's a parrot that my parents discovered in their backyard 6 years ago. They bribed him with snacks and dropped him off at my work to become my new pet.

Things started off well with Chicken. He was one of only a couple of other pets; my gay kitty, Merlin, and a three-legged turtle named Tripod that I had inherited from a college acquaintance. The turtle was silent, Merlin was pissy, and Chicken was loud. Everyone had his role mapped out. Things continued to go smoothly with the addition of another cat, Moby, my childhood Cockatiel, Gilbert, and Frinklin's dog, Matchbox. Everyone was still getting along, and we were one (now very) big family.

Enter: The Jeffery.

Chicken and Jeffery had trouble from the start. Aside from the barking/screaming contests, Jeffery decided upon meeting Chicken that he would make great McNuggets. No amount of training was going to make him give up his dream of Chicken Dinner. This meant that Chicken spent more and more time in his cage, which really pissed him off.

Parrots are extremely smart animals. Some can have vocabularies as large as 1000 words or more and they need a lot of attention and stimulation to keep from becoming bored. Studies show that they have brain function similar to a four-year-old child. Imagine leaving your four-year-old locked in a cage 23 hours a day with a couple of toys and a mirror for company. I felt awful keeping Chicken behind bars, but with the Jeffery plotting his assassination, I had limited options.

One year ago, I placed an ad in the local paper:

Amazon parrot, friendly, male, good pet, not for kids $300. Must observe new home before purchase

I received several responses to the ad, and set up a meeting with one gentleman who was very interested. He showed up with a cardboard box, glanced at the bird through his cage, and started counting out twenty-dollar bills on the table.

“I’ll take ‘em.”

“Um,” I stalled, “What will you be doing with him?”

“Breeding.”

“Ah, but I’m not 100% sure he’s a boy. And he’s not proven. Would he just be in a cage all the time?”

“Yeah. With other birds.”

I didn’t have a good feeling about this and couldn’t just let this man walk away with him, “I though I made it clear in the ad that I want him to be a pet, as he is used to human company. I would need to see where he would be living before I agree to the sale.”

My insistence that I see Chicken’s new digs was the twist in the deal the “breeder” wouldn’t agree too. I thanked him for his time and sent him on his way. I didn’t want to know what this skeezy guy really wanted my bird for, or what kind of possibly awful conditions he would be living in. Scratch that plan.

Chicken stayed home and The Jeffery and he continued to argue over who had top billing in our household.

Another year passed, and I watched Chicken become more and more sullen in his cage. We brought him out to play and socialize occasionally, but didnÂ’t have the time to entertain him properly. I finally decided to call up the local bird store, Bird Crazy, and ask about placing him for sale on consignment there.

At the start of March we took him to the store and he was an immediate hit. He put on a great show for the staff, surprising us by offering up his funny and friendly personality. They priced him and put him out with the other birds for sale. Frinklin and I stopped by to see him a couple of days later to make sure he was happy. He seemed more cheerful and bright-eyed than ever.

We went back today; one month from the date we dropped Chicken off, expecting to pick him up, as we hadnÂ’t been notified that heÂ’d sold. However, it turns out an oversight had been made, and we hadnÂ’t been notified when he sold just a day after we had stopped in to check up on him. They cut me a check on the spot and thanked me for my business.

Now he’s truly not mine anymore, and I find myself wondering who bought Chicken. I hope the staff at Bird Crazy told his new owner(s?) that he likes french fries and chips more than anything. That he can ring exactly like the phone (prompting Frinklin or I to call, “The Chicken is for you, honey!”). If you put him on the floor he’ll chase you around the house like a bowlegged troll, hopping and waddling after you until he can climb up your pants to your shoulder, where he will cluck in your ear, just like the Chicken that he is.

Posted by: Ensie at 10:19 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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The dogs, which prior to Sunday morning woke Frinklin up to feed them breakfast at 4:45am, have now switched to our usual (weekday) wake-up time of 5:45am. Also, they have shifted their dinner time to 7:15pm.

Fall is really going to suck.

Posted by: Ensie at 07:14 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I nearly cried with laughter when I saw this promo spot.

And then I nearly cried with sadness when I saw it wasn't real.

I would totally watch Tiny House.

Shut up.

Posted by: Ensie at 06:30 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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1 I agree...I saw this one a while ago and I LOVED it.

Posted by: Jennifer at April 06, 2005 04:30 PM (IKn6K)

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It's a big secret but I have to tell someone so, I figure The Internet is the best place to unload my secret. I have a highly coveted, greatly demanded, spectacularly anticipated, and incredibly exciting pass to the Bob's Hogs and Weiner Pigs Vendor Expo that is coming to San Diego next Sunday! This involves meeting each and every vendor that services Bob's Hogs and Weiner Pigs in order to see what is new in the world of Hogs and Weiner Pigs.

Did I mention that the Bob's Hogs and Weiner Pigs Vendor Expo gives away tons of free schlock? And not your average, run-of-the-mill lollipops and plastic toys. These are fantabulous gally copies of EVERYTHING DUE TO BE PUBLISHED IN THE NEXT FEW MONTHS.

Yes, everything.

If you're a book whore like me (and many of my close associates), you'd be freaking out too.

My boss mentioned to me that despite the urge which comes over everyone attending this event to run down the aisles snatching freebies from every booth, I must stop and speak with everyone there. Apparently, in the past, the vendors have noticed that we, the Bob's Hogs and Weiner Pigs representatives, tend to be a little, um, well, grabby and also a bit greedy when it comes to free stuff.

I'm practicing getting out, "HiI'mEnsiehowareyoutodaygreatisthisnewwhendoesitcomeoutthanksbye!" in under 1 second.

Posted by: Ensie at 06:26 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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1 I am sooo jealous. You don't get HP6 though... or do you ? Are you going to have giveaways to your faithful readers? *insert Puss-In-Boots face here*

Posted by: Eden at April 04, 2005 08:25 PM (M2PUd)

2 No, they don't do gally copies of HP6. I have a friend that has a gally of the very first HP book, and she had it signed when JK Rowling was in the US. It's quite the collector's item. I believe she may even have the first two or three gallies signed. She works with author signings and has all sorts of publisher/author inroads. I may give a few things away, depending on what I find...anything you have in mind (genres, authors)?

Posted by: ensie at April 04, 2005 08:34 PM (4k5pf)

3 Maybe. I like new lit, classic lit, no chick lit, some sff, etc. Maybe we could trade or something I'm always up for hogs and weiner pigs!

Posted by: Eden at April 05, 2005 02:33 PM (M2PUd)

4 Oh, how cool. Free books. That's like free crack, but good for you. Hope you got some good stuff.

Posted by: RP at April 14, 2005 06:10 AM (LlPKh)

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Today was LJ's last day at work. She has up and joined the US Navy, crazy, brave girl that she is. I've worked with her for several years and will miss having her on "the other side of the desk". No more conversations that start with, "Hey LJ...?".

LJ--I wish you much luck in your new endevor. I hope we'll see eachother before you leave for Chicago in a few weeks. I enjoyed working with you and I know that you'll do very well in the future.

Posted by: Ensie at 10:51 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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I forget, sometimes, what a wonderful husband I have chosen.

I spent an hour on the phone with a friend tonight, discussing her reoccurring problems with her partner of 8 years. They have two children together, and she feels utterly trapped in a dying relationship. I had no practical advice to give, as I've never, and cannot ever, see my own relationship going through the same issues.

· He is kind and gentle
· He loves animals
· He is working on loving children, although I have no doubt he will be an incredible dad when he has his own to care for.
· He is intelligent, even when he uses most of his brainpower to recall obscure baseball statistics.
· He is considerate
· He is patient
· He is understanding
· He is strong
· He is cuddly
· He is sexy
· He is handsome
· He is brave
· He is my best friend

He is all of these things when I am not. He supports me when I need it, and gives me my space when I ask. He is amazingly good at anticipating just what I want, even when I donÂ’t know myself what I am looking for.

We are certainly not rich. We have bills that we struggle to pay and jobs that we donÂ’t love but canÂ’t leave. Our families can drive us crazy. I can definitely be difficult to deal with. I worry about everything. I am not very consistent, in thoughts or actions at times. I am emotional and sappy. All of these things once overwhelmed me daily.

My husband creates balance in my life, and I love him for it.

Posted by: Ensie at 10:35 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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