Oh, hi...I have a blog.

Unfortunately, I haven't had much of a life as of late. Things have been pretty much wake up, work, return home, repeat. I haven't been sleeping well, nor have I been spending much time with friends or even out of the house.

I've been extremely home sick for San Diego and have been missing my old job. Not so much working at Bob's Hogs - oh fuck it - Borders - but the feeling I had there of being successful and capable; especially knowing that my opinion was valued as part of a greater team working toward a common goal.

It's really surprising how hard this job change has been for me. I try every day to let things roll off my back and keep things on a superficial level. But I am struggling to learn a system that contains nothing but exceptions to the rules, dealing with constantly being attacked simply for being the low person on the totem pole, and having my decisions being contradicted time after time. This past week was especially bad.

I told myself that after the last year at Borders, when I worked under a new supervisor that I had difficulty with, I would not work at another job that brought me to tears on a regular basis. Prior to that year, I LOVED my job at Borders and enjoyed a lot of success. But how do you find your perfect job when you get laid off and the job market is crazy bad?

While I'm loving the purchasing aspects of my new job (the minimal ones I'm allowed to do), the politics of working in a state job, and the attitudes of the other employees have been very difficult to adjust to. Everyone I work with feels that their job is completely secure no matter what they choose to do, short of disappearing for a week or two or going on a shooting spree, so they can behave in whatever manner they want. My boss is aware of the bad attitudes of several of my co-workers and has discussed it with me, but will do nothing to address the issue directly.

Adding to the problems is the fact that my boss tends to change expectations when it comes to my job. One week she wants things done one way, the next she wants them done another. There is little consistency, so I often need to re-ask questions about how she wants things, which often earns me a comment about how this particular item has already been explained to me. I was told that the learning curve for my job is one year, but suddenly the expectation is that I learn things NOW, and don't ask too many questions.

When the work day is over, I want nothing more than to come home and get into bed. Which is all I've done for the last few weeks. I haven't even managed to get to the grocery store. I don't want to socialize, I don't want to go out, I just want to curl up and sleep, which I've managed to do plenty of. Left to my own devices, I can't fall asleep until 3 AM, but I'm sleeping in until the afternoon. Something I haven't done since before my heavy-duty depression meds.

Posted by: Ensie at 07:36 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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