Life has taken a turn for the better. I was hoping, hoping, hoping that a magic job would appear out the blue for Frinklin or myself (not for lack of trying on either of our parts) and save us from the forced move back to San Diego. And...one did.

The same day my Dad called me to discuss putting our house up for rent or sale - while I was on the phone with him, no less! - Frinklin got a call from a staffing company telling him he was hired. It was 9 at night and it took a little while to sink in. A couple of phone messages later the pay rate was discussed and the offer immediately accepted.

This 3 - 4 month assignment pays very, very well. So well I could even quit my job if I had an inkling. Which I don't. But I could! And then reality sets in and I remember that this is not a permanent position. Which is fine, because I'm really enjoying my job. It's a lot of time on the phone, which is taking some getting used to. But people are genuinely excited when I call, and they call me back, which they didn't do all that much when I was in sales at Borders. Not that I wasn't a good sales person (in my humble opinion), but cold calls are a sucky way to make sales.

All this didn't do much to change the fact that we've averaged about $8 in the bank for the last couple of months. And waiting for the job to start (and the paychecks to flow) is killing me. I was lucky enough to get my retirement payout this week from the last year of state employment. So it appears we'll survive for the time being...

Posted by: Ensie at 10:46 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I wish I could say that I wasn't expecting this, but I've learned that I am not essential to the workings of the State of Washington (although Borders does appear to be falling apart without me, just sayin').

I got to do the long walk to my boss' office this morning and after a brief chat was informed that I "have been identified for lay off." No severance. Which I suppose I can understand. State employees do get paid out for some leave, but I don't have much left - stress over the last several months has had me laid up more days than I would have liked.

Over the next 4 - 6 weeks, a "layoff committee" will search the state system for jobs that I might qualify for. Hopefully something that pays more than I'm making now, and while I'm hoping for the moon, something in Tacoma? I'll also be searching for employment on my own.

I don't know what this means for our house or possible move back to San Diego. I've declared that we were moving before when Frinklin accepted a last-minute job offer that saved our asses, until his crazy new boss fired him. He's waiting to hear on an interview from last week and has another on Thursday. If he is able to find a job we are still in a tough spot, having only one job between the two of us.

I've put in some promising applications and have my fingers crossed. I'm living the Lily Tomlin quote, "It's going to get a lot worse before it gets worse."

Posted by: Ensie at 09:25 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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It's taken me a little while to get this blog entry up, and I hope Patricia will forgive me for it.

If you recall, I had my hair cut, colored, and highlighted at Embellish last January. It was a glorious thing. I reveled in my gorgeous hair.

And then Frinklin and I were both suddenly unemployed. And my hair cut/color/highlight budget became non-existent. I managed to maintain the illusion of presentable hair for a few months but it soon became obvious that my hair was not exactly living in a natural state.

I went through a horrifying year of progressively grown-out roots. I initially tried to cover this by wearing my hair up, but it eventually began to look as though I had a mismatched hair addition clipped to my head. Half of my head was naturally dark brown (with a few gray hairs that simply were NOT there previously) and the other perfectly colored and highlighted. I hated my hair.

Then one day the owner of Embellish, Patricia Lecy-Davis, inquired as to where I had been. She hadn't seen me in the salon in a very long time. I confided to her that I simply could not afford anything extra out of our tight budget. Her quick response was to call and make an appointment, and not to worry about the cost.

I wish I could say I immediately took her up on her offer, but I was truly ashamed of what was happening on my head and procrastinated for another month before setting a time and date.

Thanks to Patricia and Sae, the amazing and awesome woman who cut and colored my terrifying and scraggly mess, I am transformed. My hair is again healthy and shiny. It's a gorgeous dark chocolate brown with burgundy highlights. I can't stop looking at it. Or playing with it. Or accepting compliments. It is officially the BEST HAIRCUT I HAVE EVER HAD.

I cannot thank Patricia, Sae, and Embellish Salon enough for the complimentary cut and color. If you are in the Tacoma area, I highly recommend you check out the team of Daymakers at Embellish.

Posted by: Ensie at 05:11 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Awesome! The Ramona Unified School District apologized to student Natalie Jones for censoring her report on Harvey Milk. Natalie was allowed to give her full presentation to her entire class last Thursday. The letter to Natalie and her family reads, in part:

As we discussed with you and your mother in mid-April, we were exercising an abundance of caution in examining the facts at hand and were attempting to prevent what we thought might be an awkward situation for your classmates who may or may not have been prepared to participate appropriately as an audience for your research project," the letter stated.<

"When examining our school district's policies and procedures at that time, it appeared to us that the content of your report might have ventured into an instructional area which is often viewed as extremely sensitive and challenging for students, parents and teachers alike."

A letter was also sent to the parents of students in Natalie's class.

The fact that Harvey Milk was the first openly gay person elected to office is part of history, not an agenda.

The idea that the mention of someone's homosexuality is sexual education is ridiculous. Is it sex education to state that someone is married? Or that they have a boyfriend or girlfriend? Sixth graders are dealing just fine with these concepts, and are able to understand what attraction to the same sex means just as well as an attraction to the opposite sex. Presenting it as a fact does not encourage or discourage children one way or another.

Insisting that kids in school avoid mention of homosexuality is unrealistic and archaic. There are responsible and unbiased ways to present homosexuality in the classroom. Discussion of a topic allows for ideas to flourish and thinking to occur. Would we remove all gays in history from the classroom? Is it better to “white wash” history and the truth of their lives?

Parents have every right to be involved in what their kids learn. Take this opportunity to discuss your values with your kids. And to teach them that what they learn in the classroom is a jumping off point for further thought and learning. Not indoctrination into a way - any way - of thinking.

Please take the time to send a positive note of thanks to the Ramona Unified School District Superintendent Robert Graeff at bgraeff@ramonausd.net.

Posted by: Ensie at 12:17 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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CAGAYAN DE ORO CITY: The crowd at Divisoria Plaza here was celebrating a hero but this was no warrior, no peace worker or anticorruption advocate.

“Chief” died on February 12, saving two women from a cobra attack. He was a pit bull terrier.

“Chief saved 87-year-old Liberata la Victoria and her granddaughter Maria Victoria Fronteras, the wife of his master, from a cobra that snaked through an opening in the family’s kitchen shortly after 2 p.m.

“The snake struck twice at the women. Twice, the dog dashed from a corner and shielded them.

“Marlone Fronteras, the terrier’s owner, said Chief seized the venomous snake in the neck with its teeth and repeatedly slammed it on the floor until it died.

“But the cobra managed to bite the dog’s jaw. Chief died a few minutes following their battle, after giving its master a farewell gaze.

Read the rest of the story here:
http://www.manilatimes.net/national/2007/feb/24/yehey/top_stories/20070224top6.html

Posted by: Ensie at 10:49 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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It’s a proud day for me. The Ramona Unified School District – my district from 3rd grade until I graduated from high school and the town my family still lives in – has censored 6th grade student Natalie Jones’ report on Harvey Milk. Apparently even talking about someone who was gay is “sexual” in nature, and requires special permission from parents. The ACLU is pissed, understandably.

From the ACLU press release:

In todayÂ’s letter, the ACLU is demanding that the school:

• Apologize in writing to Natalie Jones and send a letter about that apology to all the parents who were sent the principal’s letter about the presentation

• Give Natalie Jones an opportunity to give her presentation to all the other members of her independent research project class

• Clarify in writing that the parental notification and permission portion of the “Family Life/Sex Education” policy only applies to the curricula identified as “course content” for “Family Life/Sex Education instruction”

Ramona Unified says they were following their own policy:

“(P)arents/guardians shall be notified in writing about any instruction in which human reproductive organs and their functions, processes, or sexually transmitted diseases are described, illustrated, or discussed. In addition, before any instruction on family life, human sexuality, AIDS or sexually transmitted diseases is given, the parent/guardian shall be provided with written notice explaining that the instruction will be given…”

The idea that a 6th grade presentation (one that received 49 out of 50 possible points, BTW) on a historical figure who happened to be gay does not equate to talking about sex. Natalie was not given the opportunity to give her Harvey Milk presentation during class. She called into the principal's office, told that permission slips would need to be signed for all students viewing her presentation, which was moved to lunch recess. If we are going to start cutting gays and lesbians out of the classroom history (and English) class is going to be a lot shorter.

Just a few gay historical figures include Alexander the Great, Aristotle, Walt Whitman, Lord Byron, Oscar Wilde, Virginia Woolf, Heman Melville, Julius Ceasar, Langston Hughes, Hans Christian Anderson, J. Edgar Hoover.

You can view Natalie's 12-page presentation here.

UPDATE: Interestingly, today is the anniversary of the White Night Riots in San Francisco.

Posted by: Ensie at 02:52 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Three weeks ago Frinklin was hired by Gideon, owner of American Healthcare Services, Inc. , a Seattle DME business. And IÂ’ve been on edge. Of course I was pleased that he was able to find work after more than a year of unemployment, but the details about the job and his boss were frustrating. He went in knowing that the pay sucked and there would no sick or holiday time, or benefits. All the crappy working conditions were agreed to, just to ensure a regular paycheck.

The job sounded interesting. He would be the Director of Marketing and Client Services. His responsibilities included rewriting their (shitty) website and the (terrible) marketing materials and using these items to bolster outside sales. In addition he would staff the retail storefront and assist with billing.

Things started to go downhill on the first day. No one knew Frinklin was starting. He waited outside for an hour for someone to let him in. He was told he would work 40 hours a week which was immediately slashed to 32. Despite asking for time to focus on marketing and sales he was told there were other priorities. There were multiple projects (inventory, revamp the filing system, rework the catalog) randomly assigned by Gideon, forcing Frinklin to jump from one thing to another without being able to complete anything fully. A temp was brought in and undid all the work he had done on a billing project. Frinklin was left alone for hours to run the store, without breaks or time for lunch.

We both knew things were weird and Gideon was a terrible business owner and boss.

And then today.

Gideon showed up early and asked to speak with Frinklin in his office. Within 10 minutes Frinklin was fired and told to leave, “or I will have the authorities escort you out.” Exactly why was he fired? Apparently all that time spent on Gideon’s projects was taking time away from what Frinklin should have been working on – outside sales. What he didn’t explain is when exactly Frinklin should have been making those sales. While he was organizing billing? While he was alone, staffing the store for hours on end? In the middle of inventory?

There had been no indication that Frinklin was doing a poor job. In fact, Frinklin was doing a kick-ass job as far as I could tell. He was keeping detailed notes of what he was being asked to do, what the priorities should be, and learning the business. While I understand GideonÂ’s need for sales (I was in outside sales for several years), you have to allow time for that to happen, especially when you are telling your employee that his priorities lie elsewhere at the moment.

I suppose all of this could be answered by the fact that Gideon threatened to have Frinkin removed from the building by the police. My husband is extremely laid-back and spent most of their 5-minute morning meeting in shock, asking why he was being fired for something completely out of his control.

So thank you Gideon, you asshat. Not only did you assist in shattering my husbandÂ’s self esteem yet again, but you lied about his work performance. And you may have screwed over his chances to receive unemployment as he has now been terminated instead of laid-off. All for three weeks of work, paying barely more than UI.

At least now he's free to get a real job. And I'm free to distribute flyers (virtual and otherwise) telling everyone this guy is a total dickwad.

Posted by: Ensie at 02:54 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Today is Curb Day! What is Curb Day, you ask? It's the day to place all your unwanted, useable items on the curb for others to take. It's a pretty cool idea, even if Curb Day seems to be everyday in Tacoma.

http://www.curbday.com/

Posted by: Ensie at 08:41 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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1 In Tacoma, every day can be curb day ... because the City's Call2Haul program allows for up to two scheduled pickups or drop-offs of large items or large amounts of small items, at no extra charge. http://www.cityoftacoma.org/Page.aspx?hid=1227

Posted by: tacomachickadee at May 27, 2009 08:12 PM (32qEf)

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I've always jokingly described myself as poor. Mostly when I didn't have enough money to pay for whatever pair of fancy shoes, exotic handbag, or some other useless item I wanted at the moment. If I didn't have the cash on hand, the item went on one of several credit cards with balances that never completely got paid off.

Sometimes the phrase, "We're so poor!" would crop up after I paid all of the household bills. While these bills never took up all of the available funds, seeing my bank account shrink all-too-rapidly the same day I received my paycheck was frustrating. My husband and I would complain to each other that we needed more money to spend on dinners out and trips to San Diego to visit my family.

In February 2008 Frinklin lost his job. We told each other it was for the best, that he hated that job, that he could now use the time to look for something he really wanted to do. Grand plans were discussed; he would go back to school, start a career in writing, or even spend more time acting! I withdrew money from my healthy 401K to pay the mortgage for a couple of months while he searched for his calling.

After a few months of anemic unemployment payments it was clear that Frinklin's search for his perfect job would have to be reexamined. The few writing gigs he had picked up paid next-to-nothing and steady income was required to maintain our standard of living. Our conversations often started with, "I know you don't want to stay in medical billing but..." Dreams were set aside, and Frinklin began sending out resumes in his field.

In April things at my company took a turn for the worse. Instead of the much-anticipated (and hopefully, much sales generating) website launch happening in January, it was pushed to a later month. And pushed again to an unknown date. A short essay entitled "Why I Should Get to Keep My Only Method of Communication" was required in order to keep your BlackBerry or cell phone from being confiscated (although in many cases, it still was). Travel budgets were eliminated. The word "layoffs" began to be whispered around the halls.

Despite assurances from my boss that my job was safe, I applied for a position with a non-profit that solicited book donations for poor children around the world. The pay was comparable with what I was currently making, the people were nice, and I was convinced I would get it. While on a self-financed trip to an industry trade show in LA I networked for my current position as well as my potential new job. A few days later I received a call notifying me that my department had been slashed and I was a casualty. I spent two hours frantically contacting my customers and e-mailing myself documents and contacts from my work account until I was cut off. After 11 years at the same company I was set free with a couple of month's severance and instructions on how to set up Cobra health insurance.

I didn't get the non-profit job.

No problem, right? I have severance, and unemployment and Frinklin's unemployment. I'll start up an Amazon store and sell the extra books I accumulated over the years. We're good for a little while. And I'm sure he'll have a job any second now. And it will give me time to look for something I really want to doÂ…

After two months of searching for a job, a position opened up at a (sort of) local school for the developmentally delayed. A friend employed there made sure my resume made the top of the interview pile. After a couple of nerve-wracking weeks I was in – I had a new job! When my first paycheck arrived it was less than I made on unemployment.

Frinklin continued to search. Tallying up the number of resumes sent out, he had submitted over 2,000 in the last 4 months. While he had a number of successful interviews, none materialized into actual paying jobs. He began to search the local retail outlets for something – anything. Even part-time work would be a blessing. Along with the housing market, the job market was tanking.

I continued to mine my 401K for mortgage payments (as well as a few other necessities, like car payments) and started worrying about the remaining balance. Maybe I wouldn't be rolling it into an IRA anytime soon. My credit cards were melting at the edges from their frequent use on groceries, gas and other essentials. We stopped going out to eat. We stopped going out, period. Our active social life, it turns out, revolved around money - dinners, movies, pedicures (for me, anyway). Goodbye cable. See you Netflix. Sayonara Paperspine.

In August my severance ran out. In October we stopped paying our mortgage. The two events were not unrelated. My 401K ran dry. I called the lien holder on our house to discuss our options. After waiting on hold for 43 minutes, I was told several times, by several people, that unless I could make the total monthly payment they would not like to have any payment. No partials, no breaking it down, no interest-only options. But please give them a call as soon as I was ready to pay the current and any outstanding balance in full. Perfect.

Frinklin's unemployment ran out, but after a week-long hiccup was extended for another 13 weeks. Past due notices were piling up. I stopped opening them, something I had never done before. I hid from the mailman. I started searching for a second job. The land line phone was disconnected because it cost an extra $30 a month, plus the only calls we seemed to receive were creditors. Even worse, as Frinklin's parents traded off being unemployed for a few months, their home went into foreclosure.

The holidays were a bust. Our oldest dog went downhill suddenly and had to be put to sleep the week before Thanksgiving. I realized I really missed being able to pick out special gifts for everyone. I know it's materialistic and wrong to say such a thing, but I prided myself on being an excellent gift giver. My family sent much appreciated gift cards. I declined decorating the house and we skipped getting a tree. Save for a couple of (quite fun) parties, we avoided talking about Christmas.

I experimented with stopping my anti-depressant medications I had been taking for two years. It was costing us a couple hundred dollars every month, something we desperately needed. I started having panic attacks (probably justified) about losing our house and having to send our two remaining dogs and five cats to the humane society. I was only getting a couple of hours of sleep every night. I'm ashamed to say I started blaming Frinklin for his inability to get a job – something he worked at night and day.

January kicked off with something new from the mortgage company – a warning of impending foreclosure. Unless we could come up with several thousand dollars fast, our house wouldn't be ours for much longer. Tearful phone calls were made and my parents saved the day. Despite my own father being laid off in December, his lengthy severance package, consulting income, and a new job allowed for some financial assistance.

Last Friday my in-laws' house sold at auction. Several months ago they had discussed living in an empty house owned by another family member for a period of time while they saved for an apartment (and my father-in-law found a job). When the phone call was made to discuss the arrangements for move-in the empty house suddenly became unavailable. And when I say "unavailable" I mean that it's still there, empty, but the family member would prefer that it remain that way. Frinklin's parents would be homeless in 20 days.

So we're getting roommates. I didn't struggle with the decision to invite them into our home, but I'm not exactly pleased we'll be sharing a tiny house with two people, three dogs, and another cat. I'm trying to remain gracious and understanding, to make them feel welcome and not resented. But it's hard. They won't be paying rent, but will help out with utilities. It will take a tiny bit of weight off our shoulders, all while sharing one bathroom.

While writing this entry, we were waiting to hear back on a very successful series of interviews Frinklin had been on with a Seattle hospital. We got the news yesterday that they have decided not to hire him. I wanted to call the hospital and tell them how great my husband is, how this job would be perfect for him and how by giving it to him they would be saving us. But making myself sound desperate and crazy probably wouldn't win him any points.

Because of the generosity of my family we still have our home and I'm able to keep taking my (much needed, it turns out) anti-depressant medication. We're learning to live on $40 a week. I wish I could be more hopeful, but the last year has taught me that things can always get worse. I've cried buckets over losing my old job, the one that was so perfect for me in retrospect. We both wonder if the decision to move to Tacoma from San Diego was a good one – if things would be different if we were still in California.

So blogging has fallen by the wayside over the last few months. The only thing I've been able to concentrate on is getting to work and making it home. I'd love to report that my marriage is stronger, that this has drawn us closer together, and in some ways it might have, but this year has also taken its toll on both of us.

I wish I had some profound statement, or even one of those crappy clichés ("God never closes a door but he opens a window") to place here along with a story about how things are turning around. But I'm still waiting for the breeze from that open window to tell me that the winds are changing.

Posted by: Ensie at 07:25 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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1 Ensie, I wish there was something more I could do aside from telling you that I am thinking of you both and hope that things work out and damn soon. Sometimes life just sucks and there's no getting around it. There's nothing anyone can say to make it better...You just have to plow through it and hope you make it to the other side mostly intact. Remember that you are stronger than you think. *Hugs* - Lynn

Posted by: Lynn at January 28, 2009 10:35 AM (5Sevo)

2 This is the year of the Ox, and that is supposed to be a sign of prosperity. Frinklin and I are both "oxen," but so far prosperity has a habit of passing me by like a comet, always on its way somewhere else. Maybe this year it will land in our backyard. Stop by if you need some space from your roommates. I'm always here, watchin tv and drinking wine in the dark

Posted by: Jen at February 02, 2009 07:48 PM (LMqvC)

3 I wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you and sending you my love. I miss you.

Posted by: meagan Knepp at March 19, 2009 05:30 AM (BV9Ko)

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I didn't expect it to be so fast.

Last month Matchbox was my normal (allbiet odd), aging pup following me around the house. But in a few weeks his health took a turn for the worse. He lost 10 pounds, he couldn't jump on the bed, he started refusing to eat - something so alien to his nature I was shocked when Frinklin told me he had to convince Matches to finish his breakfast.

On Tuesday night he went blind. I found him trapped in more than one corner, unable to find his way back to his dog bed. Frinklin and I listened constantly for the clicking of his toenails in the middle of the night, the signal that he had lost his way while trying to get a drink of water. My husband carried his dog up and down the stairs to go out.

I found the tumors on Thursday. He had been having trouble breathing and as I felt around his neck I knew why. Several lumps had formed on his throat and were blocking his windpipe. Frinklin called the vet.

I left work early in order to be at his appointment at 4. My mother-in-law saw him off. Matchbox rode in the backseat. With his vision gone he could no longer see the moving images that normally scared him onto the floor. I told the receptionist that he didn't need to be weighed.

We sat together on the floor on a Hello Kitty blanket. Stubborn to the end, Matchbox would only lie half-way on the blanket, but rested his head alternately in my and Frinklin's hands. An hour passed while the tears flowed. The moment came.

Jeffrey misses you. He's been quiet all day. Just like the house. Frinklin swears he heard you barking when he came home this afternoon. I keep looking for you around corners.

You were our first dog. The one we took on our early dates at the dog park when Frinklin and I had just met. I'll never forget the first time you jumped in my lap, trusting that I would protect you from the big, bad pug headed your way. Or that certain way you liked your ears scratched. Or how you would sneak onto the bed in the middle of the night. Or even how you would wake us up at 4 AM to be fed.

Thanks for being such a great dog.

Goodbye Matchbox.

Posted by: Ensie at 10:06 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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1 Tears definitely started flowing at reading this. I really miss Matchbox. I only knew him a short part of his life but he definitely endeared himself to me with his sweet personality. I'm glad you both were able to be there with him for his last moments. You and Frinklin were the best parents he could've had, and I know he was always a happy pup in your household.

Posted by: Cassioposa at November 23, 2008 10:23 AM (KNn9C)

2 Sending Love your way to you and all yours.... Keisha

Posted by: KittenLion at November 23, 2008 11:00 AM (ZchiC)

3 I'm so sorry to read that. I'm so sorry for you and Frinklin's loss. Big hugs and warmest thoughts sent your way.

Posted by: jessica Corey-Butler at December 05, 2008 11:40 AM (lvOTL)

4 Many hugs ...

Posted by: tacomachickadee at December 12, 2008 10:20 PM (YU86Y)

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I've been watching Heroes for the three seasons it's been on now, and every week it's like the creators can't wait to destroy the story line further, continuity be damned! This week we took a walk back in time and saw the story leading up to the "death" of Papa Petrelli.

It turns out that Peter and Nathan both knew Linderman well before his revelation part way through the first season (which actually makes sense considering how close their parents were, but wouldn't it make more sense that they would also have known Hiro an Matt Parkman's parent's too?). And Nathan's investigation into Linderman's business activities prompt his father to order a hit on his own son.

Which brings about another question. Why didn't Andrea Petrelli see her husband trying to kill Nathan in the future? She certainly seems to see everything else. She had to ask Arthur, which allowed him to slip out of an answer and then eventually plant a suggestion in her mind and cause her to forget she every even suspected it.

Which leads me to my final point, and the GIANT PLOT HOLE IN HEROES:

Why does Arthur Petrelli need to bump Nathan off when he can just alter his mind? Why not just tell him that he's going to stop prosecuting Linderman? Easy peasy - no dead kid, no paraplegic daughter-in-law, no wife that hates you...and, oh wait...no crappy Heroes story line.

C'mon Heroes writers! Pull it together people! I expect better from you. This show has the potential to be awesome and you're making it suck. The further the walk down this path, and the more you add shitty back stories, the worse it's going to be.

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I'm inviting all of Tacoma to the Join the Impact Anti-Prop 8 Rally taking place in Seattle this Saturday morning at 10:30 AM. The march starts in Volunteer Park on Capitol Hill and will end in Westlake Center downtown around noon.

This is part of a national event that will be taking place to show the country how Americans feel about gay marriage and gay families.

Local information can be found here.

Frinklin and I will likely be going and will have room in our car. Want to carpool? Email me at ensie1@gmail.com.

Posted by: Ensie at 05:59 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Blogging has continued to be on the low-priority list as of late. Which is weird, considering how strongly I feel about this election. My house is in a 24-hour election news cycle. What time is it? Is it time for Olbermann yet? Is Maddow on? Dammit - there's only the Crypt Keeper Larry King.

I find myself cringing at work, where people let it slip that they don't know who they plan to vote for "for anything" as though it's just another election like one of many we tend to have here in Washington. Sometimes I get especially annoyed, like when I'm trapped in the car on the way to the bank with a couple of folks I would rather talk about anything than politics. A conversation with some of these"Real Americans":

"You can't trust either of them. They're both crooks!" starts in one.

"I just wish the black one would talk about what he's gonna do 'stead of what he's not gonna do. I mean - he's always attacking McCain. And that guy's an American hero!" replies the other.

"You know why he does that...'cause he hangs out with all those terrorists and stuff. He knows if he talks about that he'll lose."

"Um," I finally interject, "Actually Obama has talked a lot about what he plans to do. If you watched any of the debates he spoke about his tax plan and lowering taxes for anyone making less than $200K a year and providing health care for people who can't afford it through their employers."

"Yeah, but lots of presidents have said they're gonna do that stuff and they never do." is the response.

"Yes, but if you don't vote him into office and give him the opportunity, it will certainly never happen. And McCain isn't offering those things at all. And I don't think any president has ever offered a health care plan like this." I persist.

"Uh-huh, Clinton did. And it failed. It didn't work. It's never gonna happen."

"That was Hillary Clinton that tried to pass Universal Health Care, which is a little different. She was the First Lady. Not the President." I rally on.

"Still, I don't like how the World loves Obama. They're scared of McCain. Hopefully they'll just leave us alone, and we'll leave them alone. That's the way it should be."

"Exactly!" Her compatriot agrees.

"Got it. Unfortunately, we are involved in a couple of wars oversees, and we are part of the World, our economy is tied to a number of countries, and a number of other countries economies are tied to ours, so just cutting ourselves off from everyone else isn't really an option. We have to participate for a lot of reasons."

At this point, we had reached our destination, and I exited the vehicle. I felt as thought I had done what I could to share my point of view, although I doubt it had changed any minds. I'm sure once I was gone the conversation consisted of the two of them rolling their eyes and laughing at my educated voter naivete.

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Oh, hi...I have a blog.

Unfortunately, I haven't had much of a life as of late. Things have been pretty much wake up, work, return home, repeat. I haven't been sleeping well, nor have I been spending much time with friends or even out of the house.

I've been extremely home sick for San Diego and have been missing my old job. Not so much working at Bob's Hogs - oh fuck it - Borders - but the feeling I had there of being successful and capable; especially knowing that my opinion was valued as part of a greater team working toward a common goal.

It's really surprising how hard this job change has been for me. I try every day to let things roll off my back and keep things on a superficial level. But I am struggling to learn a system that contains nothing but exceptions to the rules, dealing with constantly being attacked simply for being the low person on the totem pole, and having my decisions being contradicted time after time. This past week was especially bad.

I told myself that after the last year at Borders, when I worked under a new supervisor that I had difficulty with, I would not work at another job that brought me to tears on a regular basis. Prior to that year, I LOVED my job at Borders and enjoyed a lot of success. But how do you find your perfect job when you get laid off and the job market is crazy bad?

While I'm loving the purchasing aspects of my new job (the minimal ones I'm allowed to do), the politics of working in a state job, and the attitudes of the other employees have been very difficult to adjust to. Everyone I work with feels that their job is completely secure no matter what they choose to do, short of disappearing for a week or two or going on a shooting spree, so they can behave in whatever manner they want. My boss is aware of the bad attitudes of several of my co-workers and has discussed it with me, but will do nothing to address the issue directly.

Adding to the problems is the fact that my boss tends to change expectations when it comes to my job. One week she wants things done one way, the next she wants them done another. There is little consistency, so I often need to re-ask questions about how she wants things, which often earns me a comment about how this particular item has already been explained to me. I was told that the learning curve for my job is one year, but suddenly the expectation is that I learn things NOW, and don't ask too many questions.

When the work day is over, I want nothing more than to come home and get into bed. Which is all I've done for the last few weeks. I haven't even managed to get to the grocery store. I don't want to socialize, I don't want to go out, I just want to curl up and sleep, which I've managed to do plenty of. Left to my own devices, I can't fall asleep until 3 AM, but I'm sleeping in until the afternoon. Something I haven't done since before my heavy-duty depression meds.

Posted by: Ensie at 07:36 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Tonight, on what feels like the hottest night of the year, I'm feeling nostalgic. I want to blame it on the Summer Olympics, or the fact that for the first time in 11 years I'm starting a new job, or possibly my 32nd birthday that passed relatively quietly last Sunday (a little too quietly dear family --ahem-- not a single call from anyone? Katie, still waiting to hear from you?). But it's really the warm August weather, and the fact that I've been spending too much time on Facebook.

I KNOW. Okay. I sound like an idiotic teenager.

But something interesting happened after I started using the Facebook account I signed up for two years ago and hadn't touched until a month ago. I ran into a couple of friends I hadn't heard from in a long time. Friends I really hadn't talked to since high school. And then I decided to look for someone I really wanted to talk to, a friend from England that I haven't spoken to in a a while, and I found her, which connected me to someone I wasn't expecting to see, my first girlfriend from years ago.

Which brings me back to the nostalgic feeling.

Every year about this time I get a little bit "Camp Sick." Once upon a time I was a camp counselor at Camp Winacka Girl Scout Camp in San Diego. I was hired as I was graduating high school and did the job for two and a half summers (leaving part way through my third summer ill with mono). The job involved spending just over two months in a rustic cabin camping situation with kids ranging in age from 5 - 18. Sometimes the campers were even a few months older than we were as counselors. Most of my time was spent at Rocky Ridge, with the horses.

Every single day it was hot. And not 80 or 90 degrees, I'm talking close to or over 100 degrees. Sweating was a way of life. I remember being miserably hot. But I don't remember being unhappy. I remember everyone glowing with healthy tans, hiking everywhere, and sleeping in open-air cabins or under the stars in the few cool hours we got ever night. Rarely did I go to bed before 2AM. Late evening were the only time staff had to spend together camper-free for meetings or, lets face it, to flirt. We gladly awoke at 5AM with red, bleary eyes and intimate knowledge of our coworkers. Get your minds out of the gutter, we were just talking for Gawd's sake!

During that time, every emotion felt raw, and every nerve felt alive in that way that it does when you're a teenager and everything is life and death. I had my first taste of living away from home and was falling in love for the first time, a relationship that was fraught with drama that thankfully has become a good friendship this many years later.

Re-reading my journal entries from that time (something I rarely do) finds far too many with statements overwrought with emotion I could barely contain. I wrote like crazy at the time (I remember having to leave meals or other events sometimes and frantically search out paper and pen to unleash my feelings somewhere), unsure of what to do about caring for another woman so strongly. I couldn't even tell her!

My favorite night was spent with my British friend, Scotty, at Sunset Rock, so named because it overlooked a large valley from an outcropping and you would sit and watch gorgeous sunsets from that vantage point. One evening we climbed to Sunset Rock after dark and laid out on the warm stone. Looking up we counted over 60 shooting stars she listened to me tell her what I had been keeping secret all Summer long. I don't remember what she said to me, or if she hugged me, but I do remember that I felt reassured and loved, and that nothing changed.

That is the night that I feel a sweet longing for on hot, sweaty days. I even miss the sharp pain and intense sting of those feelings I had those summers. But I've given in to maturity and anti-depressants.

All I feel is the heat.

Posted by: Ensie at 03:14 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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It's going to be a movie!

Please don't let the cast suck. Please don't let the cast suck. Please don't let the cast suck.

Posted by: Ensie at 08:46 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Conversation heard on the way back to my car from the Downtown Farmer's Market:

Teenage Boy #1: Where the fuck are you going?

Teenage Boy #2: [mumble]

Teenage Boy #1 suddenly looks up and notices a man in a suit standing next to him at the street light.

TB #1: Hey, man. Do you know anyplace that is hiring?

Suited Man: Excuse me?

TB #1: Do you know anyplace that has jobs available?

Suited Man: Uh, no.

TB #1: Man...shit! (Jumps around and yells)

Me: [laughter]

What an excellent plan for getting a job. Wander around the city being obnoxious with your friend. Be obscene in front of someone you are going to ask about a job. Get visibly pissed off when that person tells you he can't help you.

You're half way there!

Posted by: Ensie at 02:46 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Go, Watch, Now.

Part III will be up on July 19th and all three will disappear at midnight on July 20th.

Posted by: Ensie at 11:55 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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While I'm unemployed I've decided to sell off a bunch of the books I've got floating around my house. I've created an Amazon.com store with an inventory of over 100 items. I've sold about 60 items over the last three weeks, moving to an Amazon Pro Seller.

If you're interested, you can check out the store here:

Ensie's Book Sales

There are teacher guides and library items, children's books, manga, business books (including some bestsellers), collector's items, and a few novels. I try to keep my prices as low as possible - in fact, I usually list everything as the lowest price for each title.

Or if you see something you want e-mail me at ensie1(at)gmail(dot)com and lets make a deal. I need to get rid of all these extra books.

Posted by: Ensie at 09:05 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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more cat pictures

Dude. fficial&client=firefox-a&um=1&sa=X&oi=image_result_group&resnum=1&ct=title">FALCOR! Heh.

Posted by: Ensie at 11:11 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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